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How polished do you think your communication skills are? Can the words that you use to frame your question influence how true or honest the answer may be? What are the similarities between communicating in a business and communicating in a family?
In this podcast, I speak with Krister Ungerböck about how changing your words can change your life.
Meet Krister Ungerböck
Krister Ungerböck is a leadership communication expert, keynote speaker, and former CEO of a global tech company. His work has appeared in NPR, Forbes, Inc., HR.com, Chief Executive, Recruiter.com and Entrepreneur. Prior to exiting corporate life at age 42, Krister was CEO of one of the largest family-owned software companies in the world.
While leading the company to over 3,000% growth, his team won five consecutive Top Workplace Awards, achieved remarkable employee engagement levels of 99.3%, and became a dominant player in its market niche. His book 22 TALK SHIFTs: TOOLS TO TRANSFORM LEADERSHIP in Business, in Partnership and in Life helps people build better bosses — and become one — by shifting their words.
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In This Podcast
- Communicating in a family and in a business
- Small communication tools you can start applying today
- Statements to use in conversation
Communicating in a family and in a business
Communication is vital in structures that support many people to make sure that each person feels heard, understood, and a part of a shared dialogue. In this sense, the communication shared within a family and within a successful business might not differ much.
The reality is [that] the same challenges that you had with that individual, I suspect if those employees that worked for him … either then or now, had felt that they had the permission to tell him what frustrated them, it would echo the same things that you would say about him as well. (Krister Ungerböck)
There is often the chance that the issues an employee faces with wanting to communicate with a boss who is being difficult or hard-headed are shared by a family member who feels that they struggle to speak to another person in their family with openness.
Both parties feel that the communication is weak because the boss or the other family member is not able to have difficult conversations, or sit in and work through difficult emotions.
These talk shifts are tools to give people words to speak their voice and courage to increase their volume in their relationship, whether it’s [between] a child and a parent or a spouse … and to do it in a way that allows people to navigate “what is the conversation we have after the first question about how happy we are”. (Krister Ungerböck)
Small communication tools you can start applying today
Whenever you ask a question, start with the word “what” or “how”:
Change the beginning of each question from “do you”, “does that” or “will you” to a question that starts with a “what” or “how” because you will receive better answers. The secret to good listening is talking.
If I put bad inputs or if I make a meal with bad ingredients then it’s probably not going to taste very good. Well, if I’m trying to have a conversation and I’m asking ineffective questions, I’m probably going to be less likely to listen to the answers. (Krister Ungerböck)
On a scale from one to 10:
By exaggerating the scale endpoints before you ask this question to someone, you are more likely to get an honest or close-to-real answer because there is more scope for the person to respond to.
After this point, another conversation starts where you can begin to talk about the difference that lies between a seven and a nine, for example, on the one to 10 scale.
Here the honest conversation begins, and this is where you can start to talk about constructive criticism, honesty and what someone’s needs are in order for you to be a nine or higher for them.
Statements to use in conversation
- “I listen when you speak” – tell this to your children and ask them to give you a rating. See how they score you and have a conversation about how you can improve.
- “I encourage you with my words and actions” – this means that you build someone up instead of tearing them down in conversation.
- “I treat you in a loving and kind manner even when you are not around” – this could mostly be used in relationships.
- “I treat your mother with love and kindness when she is not around” – as fathers, you can tell this to your children, whether you are still married to your former wife or not.
- “I treat your father with love and kindness when he is not around” – as mothers, you can tell this to your children, whether you are still married to your former husband or not.
It’s important, whether we’re married or divorced, the way that we treat each other is going to be the default setting for what our children are going to accept or expect in their relationships. (Krister Ungerböck)
Books mentioned in this episode:
Krister Ungerböck – 22 Talk SHIFTs: Tools to Transform Leadership in Business, in Partnership, and in Life
Laurie Puhn – Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship Without Blowing Up or Giving In
- Full Of Shift with Kate Kneifel | BM 68
- www.talkshift.com to purchase the book and free video recording of the book
- BTBFM FREE EMAIL COURSE
- Sign up for Busy to Bomb Fit Mom
- Connect with Melissa on Facebook and Instagram
- Email Melissa: email@example.com
Meet Melissa Vogel
Melissa Vogel is an energetic keynote speaker, business owner, certified personal trainer, certified group fitness instructor, 1st degree Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do, a mother of three, and a podcaster.
Melissa has been voted as the Best Personal Trainer for 2020 by Inland Empire Magazine, and Built the Busy to Bomb Fit Mom exercise system.
She is quickly becoming recognized for her expertise and influence in her field!
Melissa has contributed to numerous publications and has been featured in the Trail Blazer Magazine, and published in the April 2020 edition of Health Magazine. Her approach incorporates personal experience, energy, humor, and charisma.
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