Do you feel shame or embarrassment around masturbation? Did you know that squirting – and not squirting – are both normal? What is the connection between masturbation and increased libido?
In this podcast episode, I speak with Dr. Nazanin Moali about sex. orgasms masturbation, and how you can have a happy, healthy sex life.
Meet Dr. Nazanin Moali
Dr. Nazanin Moali is a licensed clinical psychologist and an AASECT certified Sex Therapist. Her private practice is located in Los Angeles and she specializes in working with couples and individuals struggling with issues of sex and intimacy.
Dr. Moali hosts a weekly podcast called Sexology introducing the most intriguing findings in psychology of sex and intimacy.
In This Podcast
- Mental blocks that can inhibit the female orgasm
- How to release embarrassment around masturbation?
- Invest in creating psychological arousal
Mental blocks that can inhibit the female orgasm
There are two components to the orgasm:
- The turn-on: what brings your sexuality into fruition, and
- Sexual inhibitions: things that stop or bring sexuality to a halt
When you are driving a car you have a gas pedal and a brake pedal. What people sometimes confuse is that they think [that] all they need to move this car is [by] pressing on the gas but what is happening is many women are pressing on the brake pedal [first] which gets in the way of them experiencing the sexual pleasure they want. (Dr. Moali)
For women, there are many potential kinds of brake pedals. They could be:
- Unprocessed grief
- Wounds that they carry from previous relationships
Another important aspect that many women miss out on which can block their orgasms is not rewriting their sexual script: the sexual habits that you had when you were in your twenties may not work for you in your thirties, and your sexual habits from your previous relationship might not work now that you are single.
Shame on the other hand can also block a woman’s ability to reach an orgasm, and shame can come from many places.
Most often, women are taught that sex is bad, dangerous, and difficult to navigate during their school years, and so when they begin having sex they are unprepared and worried instead of educated and feeling in control.
What happens when this information is stored in the body it shows up as a form of desire, as a form of issues with experiencing orgasm … I think it is really important for us and our sexual health that we identify the stories and unlearn those that are no longer serving us. (Dr. Moali)
How to release embarrassment around masturbation?
If you struggle with shame or embarrassment around masturbation in front of or with your partner, or even if you are starting for the first time, try it alone first. Get comfortable with it when you are alone.
Get comfortable and curious and explore the emotions that come up when you are masturbating: is it shame? Disgust?
Consider that maybe these emotions are remnants from the old stories you have in your mind about masturbation and that these stories or opinions might not be your own, but belong to those around you like family or your school.
I think it’s really important for women and [for men] to get to know their bodies. What happens is that sometimes [before we gain experience] we don’t know what works for our bodies and its hard to communicate that with your partner … whether you are in a relationship or you are single I think masturbation can be a form of self-care. (Dr. Moali)
You can start by:
- Taking time to be completely by yourself in a sensual space where you feel comfortable
- Grab a mirror and take a look at your genitals to understand what is happening down there
Shame may show up here. Be kind to yourself and remember that you can release old stories that you have in your mind.
- Explore the sensation and how it feels, even with massage as a first step to masturbation
- Think about it as a mindful mind-body exploration
Research shows that the more we experience orgasm, the more sexual desire we will have so if you are experiencing orgasm by yourself … then that can help you to feel sexually awake. (Dr. Moali)
Invest in creating psychological arousal
Most people get the physiological arousal easily, however over many years with the same partner with similar positions, it can become difficult to maintain a level of attraction.
This is why psychological arousal is important and should not be overlooked.
Changing the routine and creating a different form of delicious connectedness with your partner that is going to create the sex that you want to have. (Dr. Moali)
You can spice it up in the bedroom even years after being married. It is important to talk about it because this is something you want and you can be open about it with your partner.
You can have monthly or weekly sexual health check in’s with your partner where you can openly and freely communicate about what you would want more of in the sexual aspect of the relationship. In this way, you can show that it is a priority and that you want to invest in this part of the relationship.
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Meet Melissa Vogel
Melissa Vogel is an energetic keynote speaker, business owner, certified personal trainer, certified group fitness instructor, 1st degree Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do, a mother of three, and a podcaster.
Melissa has been voted as the Best Personal Trainer for 2020 by Inland Empire Magazine, and Built the Busy to Bomb Fit Mom exercise system.
She is quickly becoming recognized for her expertise and influence in her field!
Melissa has contributed to numerous publications and has been featured in the Trail Blazer Magazine, and published in the April 2020 edition of Health Magazine. Her approach incorporates personal experience, energy, humor, and charisma.
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