Do relationships impact your fitness and wellness journey? Are there principles you can tie in between building fitness and building a strong relationship? What can you do when dipping back into the dating pool after divorce?
In this podcast episode, Melissa Vogel speaks with Dr. Susan Orenstein about dating, divorce, marriage, and sex.
Meet Dr. Susan Orenstein
Dr. Susan Orenstein is a licensed psychologist and relationship expert with over twenty years of experience. In 2005, she founded Orenstein Solutions, a private counseling practice in North Carolina that serves children, teens, adults, and couples.
Susan created the After the First Marriage Podcast to support individuals through the significant life transition of divorce. She whole-heartedly believes that “happily ever after” is an option for everyone, and is dedicated to helping divorcées regain the confidence to pursue a fulfilling future after the first marriage.
She’s been featured in the media with articles in the Washington Post, USA Today, The New York Times, and Real Simple Magazine.
Listen to Susan’s podcast here.
In This Podcast
- Listener’s questions
- After seven years, what should a healthy sex life look like?
- Dating after the first marriage: how to start
How do we bring the spark back into our marriage?
The starting point of this is to talk to your partner and co-invest in the relationship together as a unit, not just by yourself. As a team, you and your partner can get excited thinking about all the ways in which you can bring the fire back to the relationship. However, if one person in the partnership wants out, even though that is a painful realization to make, it is important to understand this so that you can move on with your own life.
They might be in a relationship where the other person says “no, I’m done, I’m just really not invested” and it would be really hard to hear that but I think it is important to know where you stand and know if this is the marriage where you can get your needs met or not. (Dr. Susan Orenstein)
What happens if the same problems arise after six months?
In this regard, working on your relationship is like working on your wellness. Did you halfheartedly try to do a few workouts and eat a salad a few times a week to achieve your big goals? Doing things halfheartedly and expecting a grand result will not yield any worthwhile outcome.
Just like investing in your workouts to become stronger, you invest in your relationships to foster a deeper connection. Find things that excite you and your partner, things that make you forget about the actual labor and have you feeling joyful simply because you are doing it.
What can you do to keep the separation civil?
Set some boundaries. Create terms that you and your ex can use to discuss important details and layout some parameters around important aspects, such as: when and how often to call during the week, if each ex is allowed to or wants to date during the separation process, and so forth.
It is important to keep communication as open and as honest as possible to ensure that the separation process begins and ends smoothly and without any unnecessary emotional strain.
After seven years, what should a healthy sex life look like?
I think looking for normal in numbers can be a trap, because the question I really want to ask people is are they enjoying their sex life? If that’s once a month or three times a day, it’s about pleasure and about enjoyment so the tally doesn’t really matter. (Dr. Susan Orenstein)
However, some people in their relationships enjoy knowing that everything is alright and then unpredictability in sex can cause anxiety if they think their partner is unhappy because they don’t want any. A good middle point is finding a good balance between predictability and spontaneity in your sex life.
Dating after the first marriage: how to start
For both women and men, getting back into the dating world after a divorce is a scary and vulnerable experience. In some cases, having some fear and some caution in the post-divorce dating world is important.
Do not rush into a new relationship. Spend time with yourself, really getting yourself grounded and back on your feet with a strong relationship based on self-compassion before hitting the gas and looking for a new partner.
A lot of dating is trial and error. It is all about learning and getting feedback on the journey of discovering who this person is, and who you are in this new relationship.
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Meet Melissa Vogel
Melissa Vogel is an energetic keynote speaker, business owner, certified personal trainer, certified group fitness instructor, 1st degree Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do, a mother of three, and a podcaster.
Melissa has been voted as the Best Personal Trainer for 2020 by Inland Empire Magazine, and Built the Busy to Bomb Fit Mom exercise system.
She is quickly becoming recognized for her expertise and influence in her field!
Melissa has contributed to numerous publications and has been featured in the Trail Blazer Magazine, and published in the April 2020 edition of Health Magazine. Her approach incorporates personal experience, energy, humor, and charisma.
Thanks for listening!
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