[MELISSA]: The Bomb Mom podcast is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a family of podcasts that are making the world better. You’ll also probably like the Imperfect Thriving podcast, Beta Male Revolution, and Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. Check them out at www.practiceofthepractice.com/network. Hey, what’s up everyone? If you’re looking to be inspired, motivated, educated, and entertained, you have come to the right place. Welcome to the Bomb Mom podcast, the podcast where we explore your fitness, life mindsets, and actions that help you become unstoppable. You’re worth it and it’s time to finally make changes in your life that will last you the rest of your life. Hey everyone, and welcome to the Bomb Mom podcast. I’m Melissa, your host, and today we have the most unique, special, phenomenal guest. Her name is Kimmy Seltzer. She is a Confidence Therapist and Authentic Dating Strategist. I know. Take those words in again, right – Confidence Therapist and Authentic Dating Strategist. She has a vat of knowledge and experience as a therapist, certified style coach, dating coach, matchmaker… I mean, she’s helped people find lasting love and connection, attract success, and she builds valuable relationships using her unique confidence makeover process. She has an outside-in approach. Kimmy implements targeted style, emotional and social intelligence in people’s lives using her signature formula, The Charisma Quotient. She’s working on body language, first impressions, image, and messaging and how it impacts attraction. She is based out of Los Angeles and she travels the country helping people discover confidence, charisma, and connection. She’s a national speaker, she’s done matchmaking conferences; eHarmony, Neutrogena, UCLA, IDATE… she is just phenomenal. So, sit back, relax, if you can grab paper and pen because you are going to want to take notes on everything that she gives us. All the tips are completely invaluable. And if you can’t write it down, don’t worry, you guys, everything will be listed in the show notes. Enjoy the show. Hello everyone. Oh my God, we have such a special treat for you guys today. We have the guest Kimmy Seltzer here. Kimmy say hello to our Bomb Squad. [KIM]: Hello! Thanks for having me. [MELISSA]: I’m so excited. The listeners are going to just get so much out of this, I can already tell. So, Kimmy is a Confidence Therapist. Yes, you heard that correctly. And an Authentic Dating Strategist. Oh my god, Kimmy, fill us in. You have to tell us really quick, like, what are those two things exactly? Like, give it to us in dummy language. [KIM]: Well, you know, it’s funny because I have gone through so many titles in my old age. Going down, I think I’ve earned my stripes. And, you know, I was trying to find a title that really captured everything that I do because, you know, I’ve been a therapist. I’ve been a dating coach. I’m an image consultant. I’ve been a matchmaker. [MELISSA]: Oh my gosh. [KIM]: You know, at the end of the day, it’s really about how people feel about themselves, which is why I like you know, the title Confidence Therapist, and I’ve had my own journey, obviously, which I’ll get into, that kind of shaped all of this, both professionally and personally. And so, why I like that title is that it really is about you, meaning you listening, you know, when you love you, that’s when other people do too. And so many times I think, you know, people focus on things outside of themselves, but at the end of the day, when you know your value, you know, your worth. That’s worth everything. [MELISSA]: Yes, everything. Oh my God, spot on. Absolutely. Now, tell me about the Authentic Dating Strategist. [KIM]: Right. So, I used to go by ‘dating coach’, and there’s a lot of dating coaches out there, and I certainly coach and I work with people and dating, but again, the thing about the strategy piece is, I was thinking of, when I help people… That’s really what I’m doing. I really love to sit down and come up with strategies and ways of how to break patterns. And I do that with infusing targeted style, emotional and social intelligence in your life. And I’ll go over what, you know, that means, but I definitely find that our past is connected to the future and the choices we make and the patterns that get created, and often it just takes looking at strategies and ways to create new patterns for ourselves, because we always go back to what we know, right? It’s hard, right? And so if we’re, if we keep attracting the same guy over and over again, or if we’re feeling like a frumpy mom and we don’t know how to get out of it, well, what is it that you need to do to get out of that pattern so you get a different result? [MELISSA]: Yes, and I think a lot of our listeners can completely relate to the frumpy. [KIM]: Oh, I’ve been there done that. You know, honestly, I have to say like, I feel that way sometimes. I spend so much time in the gym and in leggings and like, I worry about myself falling into that pattern too. Oh my gosh, and it’s not a superficial thing, right. And this is what I learned with my own journey is that there’s a symbiotic relationship between the outer and the inner. You know, when we feel better about ourselves, we’re reflecting that out to the world. When we’re getting stuck in a rut that sometimes is what is advertised on our body and then we get caught up in that loop. [MELISSA]: Yeah. Tell us a little bit about how you got started in this, like, how did this become what you do? [KIM]: Well, I’ve kind of been tipping my hat along the way by saying “my own story” because, honestly. No, Melissa, I would not be doing what I am doing right now had I not had my journey. I mean, my bio, and all that, that’s great, but really, the passion comes from the journey that I went through. So, you know, long story short is that I kind of came from this traditional life in Chicago, I practiced as a therapist for many years, you know, had the cushy job, I had a couple kids, the picket fence, the dog… I still have the kids, but I was married, I obviously don’t have a husband any longer and that’s where the story started. So, what happened is, we all pick up and we move here to La La Land and, I joke, we did what all the other people here do, we get a divorce. I’m joking, obviously there were issues, right, like a giant lie. But yeah, lo and behold, and I’ll never forget this moment in my life. I kid you not, it was the darkest moment of my life and my clothes reflected it. So, if you saw me back then I was definitely in that frumpy state. I had, you know, the oversized clothes that were all black, maybe a splash of beige here and there. [MELISSA]: Oh man. [KIM]: Come on, right? I had the Birkenstocks. I had the nursing bra, still, and mind you, I was not nursing any longer. I mean that just shows you. [MELISSA]: So many women are laughing and nodding their head right now. [KIM]: Right? I mean, look, I got so stuck not only in my clothes, but really in my mindset. And I honestly didn’t know how I was going to get out of my own way, because I was going through such a dark period and the black clothes clearly reflected that. [MELISSA]: Right. [KIM]: And you know, when there’s a fork in the road, and you can take, you know, one road or you can take the other, I definitely was going down the wrong path. And, you know, went through a lot of depression. I didn’t know what I was going to do with my new life. I had no friends. And the friends that I had were all moms who were married. I was like, how am I going to pick up my life, get back out there, feel good about myself, get a new job? So, the interesting thing about this is, up until that point, I used to work from the inside-out as a therapist. [MELISSA]: Sure. [KIM]: And for God’s sake, I’m a therapist. I should know better, like, how to get out of my own way, and I wouldn’t do it for myself. But all the talking, all the support, it still wasn’t doing anything. And one day, I woke up and I looked in the mirror, and I was horrified and like, I can’t stand this any longer. Like, I need to go shopping. So, I go shopping. And what am I doing? I’m pulling all the same black clothes again. Now I think I’m up leveling myself. But the truth is, I’m pulling the same dark clothes. And this woman, she’s watching me, she’s a personal shopper, and she comes up to me she says “Ma’am, I’ve been watching you and I thought maybe you’d like to try this on” and she holds up this red dress that looked like three sizes too small, and I said, “That’s really sweet of you, but that’s not my size and it’s really not my color.” She said,” Honey, that is your size. That is your color. Try it on.” Oh, it was like she hit me over the head with that red dress. I actually call it my ‘red dress moment’. Yeah. And so, what happened is, I kind of woke up and like, you know what, she’s right. I’m going to try this on just for fun. And I twirled around like Cinderella and I looked in the mirror, and I couldn’t believe what I saw. Like, I saw the bomb. I saw the bomb mom, like right in front of me, like what your podcast is about. And I went from that from the mom to the bomb mom, literally instantly. And there was something that just really happened in my body and with my confidence. So, I bought the dress that day, as a costume. And I call it a costume because I didn’t totally believe it. But when I wore it, something kept shifting in me and I walked out into the world, and that’s when all this magic started happening. And that’s when men started noticing me and I started dating up a storm, and I got my career as you hear it, and all these things and I’m like wow, the power of clothes, that it wasn’t superficial, that there is that symbiotic relationship. And so, I started actually studying with image consultants because when I was making over myself, I realized, wow, I want to help others. And as a therapist, I was fascinated because I started doing makeovers and realizing and recognizing I was shifting people more in one shopping experience than I did years in therapy. [MELISSA]: Wow. [KIM]: And so, there’s something to this, right? And so, yeah, everything was born, and you know, the rest is history. [MELISSA]: That is so true. And, I look at, like, in the fitness world and, like, leggings. Because clearly, I need to hire you. But I can totally relate, because I feel that way with like certain pair of leggings, you know, the ones that have like the right kind of compression or you know, like the right color, or the shaping the right way or something. Not so much a dress, but I get it with leggings, my world. But you’re right, there’s something magical and powerful about what we put on the outside that makes us feel a certain way on the inside. [KIM]: It absolutely is true. And I want to just address the leggings for a second. I mean, leggings are super sexy and hot and like, if you feel good in it and they fit you well and they’re stylish, then that’s awesome. Like it doesn’t have to be the red dress, right? Like there’s different things for different people and lifestyles and occasions. But the point is, I think it’s the quickest way and the vehicle to which help people see themselves differently. So, if you’ve gained weight or if you’ve lost weight, a lot of times we’ve lost our sense of our body. And we’ve been gaining that sexy confidence as a woman and whether you’re married or single, having sexy confidence is so important and it’s part of our femininity. It’s part of who we are as women, and often as a mom that gets lost. [MELISSA]: It does, that is so true. That was gonna be like, actually, one of my next questions is like, why do you think women let themselves get there? Why do we let ourselves not be bomb anymore? Once we become a mom and get frumpy, you know. [KIM]: Well listen, I don’t think it’s just women, honey, like… [MELISSA]: No, that’s so true. Oh my god. Thank you. So true. [KIM]: Let’s talk about the men for a second, like, the dads fall into the frumpy dad too. I think just, you know, first of all, it starts with the lack of sleep Let’s just be real, like, you know, once you have the baby, nothing matters about yourself. You’re just trying to survive. And when you’re in that survival mode, you don’t think about things like fashion or taking a shower. You’re just like, oh my god, how can I stop the baby from crying? How can I, you know, get enough sleep so that I can get up and take care of the baby? And I think that’s where that cycle starts. And then you stop going out with your honey. And then you forget about date nights, and you forget about, like, what attracted you in the beginning, you know, to each other when we all used to get dressed up and take care of ourselves. So, I think it’s the snowball effect that happens. Now, some people have more help than others and certainly people who have more than one kid, they start getting the hang of it, you know that you, right, you can still take care of yourself and be a great mom. And when you’re a beginner mom, that’s the thing too, is that you think you got to put all your energy into the child but the reality is you got to fill your cup up first, before you have enough liquid to give to the baby. So, part of that is self-care and taking care of yourself and feeling good outside and in. [MELISSA]: Absolutely, you know, and it doesn’t help when the partner falls into that same category are both doing the same thing. [KIM]: Oh, totally. [MELISSA]: You’re like, I’m not attracted to him, and he’s not attracted to me. So, (inaudible), we’re not going anywhere, but it doesn’t help our case, you know? Then people just give up. [KIM]: I do podcasts sometimes and even just like dating your partner, and again, you know, because then it goes into the relationship. Well, I think, you know, people fall into a place of complacency after a while and comfort, you know, of their own home and their sweats and, you know, then you’re just eating Chinese food in front of the TV. It’s just easier, you know, than actually getting dolled up and going out but, you know, like anything else, relationships and sustaining that sense of attraction even for yourself, it takes work. And so what I always recommend to people is, you know, scheduled date nights for you and your hubby, or if you’re single, schedule time where you’re going online and you know, getting out there and having, kind of, your adult time. That’s really, really important. It’s about balance. [MELISSA]: Yeah. And I think we, I think that there’s like, you know, people don’t talk about as much because when women give back to themselves and take that time for themselves, or even the relationship or whatever, there’s that guilt that comes along with it. You know, I see it with workouts too, like women struggle giving me like an hour workout. And I’m like, Girl, this hour is going to recharge your battery and you’re going to go back as a better mom. [KIM]: Yes, yes. [MELISSA]: So, I can only imagine how much more, you know, they would get if they applied what you’re saying to in addition to your workout, like, there’s nothing wrong with that. [KIM]: Well, yeah. And that’s kind of figuring out where the motivation lacks and also where patterns started. And that goes back to, you know, me being the strategist and also working with people in different facets. So, you know, the first thing is looking at, you know, just how you value your time, just yourself and, like, do you even like yourself? Do you even see yourself as a sexy woman and value that piece of you? And that’s why I love doing the makeovers and starting with people’s image because it’s so powerful. Like, I’ll have people take pictures of themselves, and then upload those pictures to me and I do these things called virtual makeovers. They’re just they’re so powerful because, you know, what we see in a picture is definitely different than what we see in the mirror. [MELISSA]: Amen. [KIM]: And probably the same with workouts, right? [MELISSA]: Amen. [KIM]: And so, a lot of times like women will look at their own picture and be like, “Oh my god, what happened?” Like, “I can’t believe it looks that bad on me” or it’ll go in reverse like, “wow, I actually look better than I thought.” So, yeah, that’s a really important first piece. But it’s also, this is just me being a therapist for so long, understanding what that means to you. I mean, I’ve worked with a lot of women who were shut down their whole life because of how they looked, or, you know, if they gained just a little weight, then they wouldn’t find the love or, you know, whatever that is. So, I think those are the first steps in understanding like, you know, where you want to go with the motivation. But then from there, it’s helping people with, you know, how they express themselves and how they move through life and manage interpersonal relationships, set boundaries, you know, all of those things that are so crucial to our own self-esteem and confidence. [MELISSA]: Right? Tell me more about that “express themselves”? What do you mean by that? [KIM]: So that’s where the emotional intelligence comes in. I do a lot of work with teaching people how to identify feelings and communicate that you know, that’s a big buzzword right now, ‘emotional intelligence’, but really what it means is having the vocabulary to first of all identify, okay, what’s going on in my body? Like, how am I feeling right now? And then how can I express that? I can’t tell you how many times, especially with women, women, I think a lot of times, are socialized to take care of others, and not express their needs and feelings. [MELISSA]: Yep. Yep. [KIM]: And unfortunately, that attracts a lot of lopsided relationships, you know? And so, that’s part of the strategy is like, well, if you’re not happy with your relationship, and you wish that your husband or your dates would, you know, ask about you, but what are you doing to offer you? Like, it works both ways. [MELISSA]: Interesting! [KIM]: And so, teaching people how to express themselves and also this part of attraction, like, you know, how are you letting guys in? Well? [MELISSA]: Right. [KIM]: Or are you being guarded? Are you always focusing on them? So, that’s where the boundaries come in and expressing feelings. I do a lot of different exercises around that. And it’s so powerful. And when women do that, especially as a mom, the world just opens up, you know, it’s like, wow, I have more energy. People are actually helping me. Because I think that’s another danger with mom’s syndrome. Right? Like, you think you have to do everything yourself because no one else is gonna help you. But the reality is, is maybe you didn’t ask. [MELISSA]: Right? Absolutely. Is that what you mean when you say like, that attracts imbalanced relationships? Like, do you mean like the mom who is, you know, I take care of everyone, I do everything, and they find a man that needs taken care of. [KIM]: Hundred percent. Yeah. We’ll just say, like, narcissists, for instance. I know a lot of women who attract narcissists. And one of the common themes I see with that is that usually those women don’t express their feelings, so they’re a great audience. But the minute they start saying things and expressing themselves, the narcissists don’t like them anymore and they don’t like them. [MELISSA]: Right? Oh yeah [KIM]: Really powerful. [MELISSA]: Hey, this is a good time to take a quick break and to remind you that if you like this episode, please rate and review. It is just so helpful to me. I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate it when you guys leave a review and rate. Also, if you want to connect a little bit more with me and learn a little bit more about how to be a Bomb Mom, make sure you sign up for my free – yes, free – email course. You can find it in the show notes, and you can also go to www.melissavogelfitness.com/course, and it’s not an insane, long, email course or anything like that, you guys, you’re gonna get little golden nuggets from me just dripped on you in your email that’s going to help you open your eyes to what’s going on around you with your health, your wellness, your fitness, what you’re being exposed to in the grocery store lines and the magazines and everything. You’re going to want to receive this free course. And then also in the course, you’re going to get a free, 30-day at-home workout program that you can follow. This was a program that I had kind of created to hit every muscle group and it was something that was aggressively going to get harder for me after I had that third baby and get back into shape. You guys get it for free. So, you can start day one, work your way to day 30, and it’s going to help you start taking the right steps to become that Bomb Mom. Alright, let’s get back to the show. Oh my god, I love the uncovering that you’re talking about, describing, and how all of that brings out the confidence. I don’t think people think of it that way and, like, connect the, you know, emotional intelligence to it and expressing and your vocabulary. I think people think that just confidence is like, Oh, I like what I see in the mirror. You know? [KIM]: Exactly. Well, I’m glad you said that, and you’re sharing that, because I actually just did a webinar on confidence. And I define confidence a little bit differently than most people. I really don’t believe that there’s one person out there that’s just not confident. There’s usually areas in people’s lives where they do feel confident and, if you think about it, it’s because you feel like you have more experience and positive exposure around it. So, for instance, if your confidence lives at work, it’s because you’ve been doing it for so long, and you’re good at it because you have experience. If you’re not feeling confident as a mom, if you’re a new mom, that makes sense, because you’ve never done it before. [MELISSA]: Right. [KIM]: So, I know it’s pretty simplistic, but it kind of helps knowing that, wow, if you just get practice in these different areas, that could really make a difference in your confidence. And actually, there are three different confidence, like, places to work on, and it goes along with what I teach. There’s inner confidence, there’s outer confidence, and then there’s social confidence. And I always say to people, like you listening now, you can even rate yourself in those categories, on a scale of 1 to 10, where are you at in each of those pillars, and then it’s figuring out well, what do I need to do in ways of practice to raise my confidence? [MELISSA]: Interesting. Yeah, cuz if I rated myself on all three, my scores would be pretty lopsided. [KIM]: Really? Like, what’s the highest? [MELISSA]: I think so. I think the highest would be social. [KIM]: Yeah. [MELISSA]: I’m just good with people. Like I don’t get shy. I’m out there. I’m outspoken. [KIM]: I would never guess that. No, I’m just kidding. [MELISSA]: Right? I know, shocking! And then outer confidence, that would probably be my second highest because I am fit. Like, I know I’m strong, like and that boosts that number, and then inner, inner’s the one where I struggle, which surprises some people because I have the outer and social confidence, so they’re like, “Oh, well, she just must love herself so much on the inside.” And that’s really the area that I struggle with. And I know, and tell me if I’m wrong, but if that inner number was higher, that would probably make my outer higher, right? And my social higher and make more balanced. [KIM]: Possibly, possibly. [MELISSA]: Tell me there’s hope. [KIM]: Oh my God, of course there’s hope. And by the way, that’s why I love using the word ‘charisma quotient’ and then having these as like the ingredients within charisma. Because confidence and charisma is actually something you’re not born with, it’s a learned skill, [MELISSA]: That is true, yeah. [KIM]: Which is cool, if you think about it, because that means it’s teachable and learnable. So, oh my god, of course, there’s hope. But you asked about the relationship between all of those different things, and I know this might kind of rock your world here, so… [MELISSA]: No, do it. Let’s rock it. [KIM]: We’re gonna get a little meta here. So, if your confidence lives on more the outer, you might be relying more on, like, how you get validated from other people. [MELISSA]: Oh, hell yeah. [KIM]: Right. [MELISSA]: Nail on the head. Absolutely. [KIM]: Yeah. It makes sense. And so, like, working on that internal validation, meaning, you won’t need anybody else to validate you, it’s just more complimentary, where that you’re actually giving that to yourself, then I think that would be, like, almost, the key to your kingdom. You know, and then it’s a little more balanced because… [MELISSA]: Right. [KIM]: … your default, because you’re not feeling, you know, internally confident, is you’ll just naturally gravitate towards the outer, like the physical and the social to get validated to feel better. [MELISSA]: Bingo. So, I’m totally just asking for a friend. [KIM]: Yeah. [MELISSA]: How would one start on working – and I know this is, like, a whole, like, therapy and, like, session and everything you do – but any tips or easy things that we could start, you know, implementing to build that inner? [KIM]: Yeah, so I do an exercise – and everybody can do this, your friend included – [MELISSA]: I will let her know. [KIM]: And yeah, let them know. So, I do this strength-based exercise. And, you know, on a piece of paper, there are four categories and you can write them down, like the first category you write down is ‘physical’. Second is your ‘personality’. Third are ‘talents’, and I would just say ‘skills’. And then fourth is ‘what you offer in a relationship’. And then what I usually tell people is to, you know, pick three, at least three, things that you love about yourself in those four areas. And, you know, often like people who maybe don’t know their value inside might have a harder time with, say, the skills, the personality, or even what they offer, like, maybe it’s easier to say the physical piece. But you know, it’s an interesting exercise just for yourself to see, and then that’s the foundation where you build and you know, every day, with the area that’s harder for you, I would try to say and recognize something that you really are proud of every day. It’s like, I call it, like, your brag. Like a daily brag, you know, on something and really own that, you know. Again, as women, we’re socialized to really, I think, focus more on what we are not good at versus what we are. [MELISSA]: Oh my god, totally. I’m so glad you said that. [KIM]: It is. And it’s a very common thing. And, you know, it’s almost like we’re deemed as bitchy if we, you know, we say what we like about ourselves, you know? [MELISSA]: So, like, we’re taught, like, Don’t brag, you know, like, you can do good things and you can be proud of yourself, but like, if you do it too much, or say too much, you’re bragging. [KIM]: Yeah. [MELISSA]: No one wants to hear that. [KIM]: Right. And that’s why I even call the exercise a daily brag, because it almost has a rub, you know, when people react to that, that word, but like, what is wrong with bragging? Like, what’s wrong with just saying, you know what, I am such a good, you know, I’m a good listener, I’m a good caretaker? You know, whatever it is about you that’s uniquely you and for, like, your friend, I would work on more about, like, even saying it out loud, writing it, looking in the mirror, you know, not depending on other people to say that for you. Because, you know, you can get that just being social and… [MELISSA]: Sure. [KIM]: … being fit, and whatever it is. So, that’s a foundation exercise that I would start with. [MELISSA]: That was, like, perfect. It’s something easy for our listeners to do, to get started on, and I love how you said to, like, say it out loud, say it in front of a mirror, like, write it on a dry erase board, you know, like, and then you can erase it, and then write it again the next day, like… I’m big on big dry erase boards. [KIM]: Oh, I love that. You know, and another thing I have my clients do is do a video of yourself saying it. Like, how challenging would that be? Seeing yourself say it out loud and then, like, watching yourself? [MELISSA]: Oh, I like it. Never would have thought of that one, and I do a lot of videos. And this is something that I’m, I’m constantly bringing up in my group, Busy to Bomb – Fit Mom, is that, just, awareness. Like, I’m always making them say like, “what is, just list two things, two things that you love about yourself” you know, and women struggle with that. And the new people, they’re always, like, no one’s ever had me do that before. [KIM]: And it always makes me sad, you know, when I see that. You know, I do a lot of speaking and there’s an exercise I’ll do if, I’m talking about confidence or, especially around body image. And I’ll say, you know, stand up and say something, like, a favorite body part that you love. And I can’t tell you how hard that is for so many women. Just, even, I said, you can give me anything. It could be a toenail. I don’t care. Or they’ll just say, “Well, my friends say…” I said, I don’t want to know about what your friends say, like what do you like? People just have a hard time saying, “I love my butt” or “I love my hair”. Whatever it is. [MELISSA]: Yeah. And I’m trying, because I have three daughters… [KIM]: Wow. [MELISSA]: And I start young with them. And just the other day, I was like, in my room and I was making my bed, my daughter was helping me change the sheets. And she’s like, “I love my hair”, like, just out of the blue. And I was like, secretly just going just like, “yes”, high fiving myself. And I was like, uh huh, you know. And I just kind of let her talk. And she’s like, “well, it’s curly, but it’s not too curly.” And she’s like, “I just, I really love my hair”. And I’m like, “me, too. I’m so glad that you are aware of that.” And I don’t know how many, you know, 14-year-olds are going around saying that, cuz a lot of her friends are like, “Oh, I’m so ugly. Oh my God, I hate my skin.” And when her friends come over, and they do that, it’s like nails on a chalkboard. And when they leave, I’m always like, “Did you hear what she said about herself?” You know. [KIM]: That’s amazing. But you know, to your credit, that she said that, because I think we all start out loving ourselves, you know, like, you watch little people and they just go around bragging all the time. They don’t care. [MELISSA]: They’re just like “watch me, watch me. Watch me do this!” [KIM]: “Hey, watch me, I’m good at this.” Or “I like this”, you know, without filters. And, you know, somewhere along the way, often that gets squashed and our light is dimmed. And so, you know, that’s where some of the therapy comes in when I help people, especially if they had that confidence before and then it was shot, maybe because of their relationship, or like in my case with the divorce, you know… God, I thought I was this confident person and then the divorce happened. I was like, it threw me for a loop. Like, this is not who I am, like, what happened? So, it could even be an incident that happens that can really affect you. [MELISSA]: Yeah, oh, I completely believe it. And then do you find that when women do have that one incident of divorce, you know, a death, a move, anything like that. Do they have to start all over? You know, is it a whole rebuilding process, or can you find pieces to like, no, there’s still some foundation here? [KIM]: You know, I don’t even think of it a “Oh my God, I got to start over.” It’s almost a reframe, like, oh my gosh, it’s a transformation. It’s a rebirth. Like, you get to start over, and what does that look like? And what are some things that you wish you could get back? What are the things you miss? And what are the things that you’ve never had that you want to work towards? And that’s the beautiful part of divorce, I say all the time, that it really is a reinvention of yourself, and it’s a chance to kind of do things that maybe you wish you had done. So, it doesn’t have to be, it’s not like a black or white thing. We all, again, have different journeys with that. So, it just depends on, you know, where people are at. [MELISSA]: Yeah, I love that. So, I got to ask… Did you ever remarry? Or are you still currently dating? [KIM]: Oh my god. And, again, this is where I earn my stripes too, where I feel like I’ve helped many. I always say, like, I have done it all. So, my evolution was that I got married really young, so I didn’t have a lot of dating experience. And that was, like, the first thing that was, you know, really hard on me. You know, so when I got divorced, the dating world was all different, and flirting and all that. That’s why I teach it now, because it was so daunting to me, but it was really important to go through that because I never did before. And so, I dated up a storm. I had so much fun. I had a lot of, you know, different relationships along the way. I mean, mind you, it’s been 18 years since I’ve been divorced. So, I’ve been, I mean, I’ve been around the block quite a few. And now I’m happy to say I’m in a loving relationship. It’s been almost six years, so it’s great. [MELISSA]: Oh, cool. I love that. [KIM]: Yeah. [MELISSA]: Very nice. Very nice. Oh my god, Kimmy. I feel like we could just talk for hours upon hours upon hours. Like I don’t even want to end this, but I know you have a life, and I do too. I don’t want to end it though. And I know our listeners want more. Would you be open to coming back again? Oh my gosh. Oh, I would love to, thank you! [MELISSA]: Yeah. My friend would totally appreciate it, too. [KIM]: Yeah! And tell me how your friend works out. [MELISSA]: I will. I will let you know. Oh, Kimmy. Thank you so much. Now, tell us how we can find you, because you have your own podcast, too. [KIM]: I do and, funny enough, it’s called the Charisma Quotient. [MELISSA]: Love it. Love it. [KIM]: Yeah. And so, that’s obviously another way to hear me and find me, and also my website kimmyseltzer.com is the best way, all my contacts and all over social media as well. And I would love, you know, to offer your audience, you know, a quiz, if they’re up for it I have a confidence quiz, actually. [MELISSA]: Yes. [KIM]: And that way, you know, people can understand, maybe, those areas and where they’re not feeling so confident and really help people just feel better overall. [MELISSA]: Right, right. Oh my god. No, that’d be perfect. If you guys check for that in the notes, the show notes, everything will be there, because people are probably scrambling, like, what was her website again? Don’t worry. Everything’s in the show notes. You can find her. Oh, Kimmy, thank you so much for coming on. I can’t wait to do this again, because this was seriously invaluable information for women and men, you know, no matter what your age is. It’s just going to help spread the love and the positive energy and the positive self-image. So, thank you again for coming on. [KIM]: Oh, you’re welcome. And thanks for having me on. [MELISSA]: Yes, well check her out you guys – Kimmy Seltzer and that podcast, The Charisma Quotient. I love it. Until next time, you guys. Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay fit. If you’re ready to become a bomb mom, join my free course over at www.melissavogelfitness.com/course. This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. This is given with the understanding that neither the host, Practice of the Practice, or the guests are providing legal, mental health, nutritional, or other professional information. If you need a professional, you should find one.