Have you experienced a difficult breakup? Are you stuck, unable to move forward? What can you do to pick yourself up and get over the breakup?
In this podcast episode, Melissa Vogel talks to Trina Leckie about breaking up and breaking free, some red flags to look out for and some valuable tips for getting over the breakup.
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Meet Trina Leckie
Trina is a breakup coach and host of the popular podcast “breakup BOOST” where she tells you what you NEED to hear and not just what you WANT to hear. She believes that sugarcoating only keeps people stuck and that a change in perspective has the power to change your life.
Times are changing…and relationships seem to be getting more challenging to build and maintain. Trina knows what it’s like to go through heartbreak – but she also knows that you can always get through it and be better off because of it. Her mission is to help people heal their hearts and get back in the dating saddle.
In This Podcast
- What is a breakup coach?
- Social media does not help
- The big shock factor
- Red flags
- Taking accountability
- Carousel relationships
- Tips to help us move forward from a breakup
- Getting over the breakup
What is a breakup coach?
After a breakup, it’s not a good idea to rely on friends and family because they’re just going to tell you what you want to hear. Trina’s mission as a breakup coach is to help people heal from the heartbreak instead of having it drag on for longer than it has to. Breakups can be overwhelming and it can feel like you just can’t go on with your life without this person in it. We know that’s not true but emotions are all over the place and you don’t see straight. It’s important to have someone to reach out to, someone who understands your situation and gives you an unbiased perspective. When you’re out of it, you forget how bad it was, but when you’re in it, it literally feels like someone died, you’re grieving the loss of somebody.
Social media does not help
The number one thing that people really struggle with after a breakup is restraining from stalking their ex online. The constant checking becomes a monster. You wake up, you’re checking. Throughout the day, you’re checking. Before you go to bed, you’re checking. You’re dreaming about checking. It becomes an obsession to know what your ex is up to, if they’re happy. Does it look like they are having fun? Are they seeing anyone else?
The big shock factor
Facing the music feels as though you’re admitting that the relationship wasn’t working. And verbalizing the issues out loud can be terrifying because you’re acknowledging to someone else that these problems exist.
When all is said and done, it’s easier to just act shocked and keep hoping that it will just go away and things will get repaired and go back to how they were. Most people who are broken up with who initially say they can’t believe it, about 99% should have seen it coming. Breakups don’t just come out of nowhere, we just ignore the millions of red flags. But, we have to pay attention because it’s that same first red flag that you swept under the rug that’s probably going to be the reason why you break up.
- If someone’s really shady with their phone – they’re hiding it from you, it’s turned upside down.
- If you can’t reach them after a certain hour – where are they?
- Keeping in contact with exes.
- Shady Instagram behavior.
- Response time becomes really long – this is also a huge part of people just not putting in any effort.
- Not putting in any effort – If you’re not going on dates, if you’re not doing sweet things, if you’re not communicating and working through things, of course, it’s not going to work out.
At the end of the day, it’s so important as well to be self-aware, because we can always blame the other person. Even if the other person did the majority of things, we have to look within ourselves and say, hey, what could I have done different? Nobody’s perfect at the end of the day, and there’s always things that we have to work on as individuals and the better we are as individuals, the better we’re going to contribute to our partnership.
Someone will spend months telling their partner what the problem is and then they’re surprised when they break up. then that person panics and tries to get their partner back saying they’ll fix the problem. They won’t, they had months to do it and they didn’t. It’s hard and painful to admit when things are going wrong because then you’re admitting that you’ve been doing things wrong, and no one wants to admit that and deal with that.
Getting back with your ex is a “carousel relationship”. It’s going on a merry-go-round and going in circles. Breaking up and getting back together rarely works, because the same problems that were there before and that contributed to the breakup, are eventually going to resurface. Old habits are really hard to break and people hold on to resentment.
Tips to help us move forward from a breakup
- Stick to a regular routine – Sleeping all day or going to bed at 5 am is not good for your brain or your body.
- Workout every day – Try to start your day off with a morning workout.
- Create a vision board – focus on having some goals to work towards. People are happiest when they’re accomplishing things.
Getting over the breakup
- Focus on what really went down – be honest with yourself and focus on all the dirty, nitty-gritty things that happened. Make a detailed list of all of the bad things that happened, and next to all of those things write down how they made you feel. You’re going to come up with words like depressed, stressed, anxious, unworthy, unloved, etc. and although you don’t want to get stuck in an angry phase, being angry for a while will help you get over it and it’s better than sitting there crying.
- No contact – This is key to moving on. If you’re always in contact or connected on social media, they’re always going to be top of mind making it nearly impossible for you to heal. This includes no texting, calling, emailing, no social media stalking, no looking at photos. No contact = total detox.
- Block them – You want to block them so that you’re not always on high alert every time your text alarm goes off. Waiting for them to reach out creates so much more anxiety and also keeps them top of mind. A lot of people aren’t ready to do this and rationalize it by saying that blocking them is petty or immature but that’s just not them wanting to close the door and accept that the relationship is over.
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Meet Melissa Vogel
Melissa Vogel is an energetic keynote speaker, business owner, certified personal trainer, certified group fitness instructor, 1st degree Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do, a mother of three, and a podcaster.
Melissa has been voted as the Best Personal Trainer for 2020 by Inland Empire Magazine, and Built the Busy to Bomb Fit Mom exercise system.
She is quickly becoming recognized for her expertise and influence in her field!
Melissa has contributed to numerous publications and has been featured in the Trail Blazer Magazine, and published in the April 2020 edition of Health Magazine. Her approach incorporates personal experience, energy, humor, and charisma.
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