[MELISSA VOGEL]: The Bomb Mom Podcast is part of the Practice of the Practice podcast network, a family of podcasts that are making the world better. You’ll also probably like the Imperfect Thriving podcast, Beta Male Revolution, and Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. Check them out at www.practiceofthepractice.com/network. Hey, what’s up, everyone? If you’re looking to be inspired, motivated, educated, and entertained, you have come to the right place. Welcome to the Bomb Mom Podcast, the podcast where we explore your fitness, life, mindsets, and actions that help you become unstoppable. You’re worth it and it’s time to finally make changes in your life that will last you the rest of your life. Hello everyone and welcome back to the Bomb mom podcast. My name is Melissa Vogel and I am here as your fearless leader. As always, I hope everyone is having an amazing week, weekend, wherever you’re at when you’re listening to this because we are going to have a great episode for you today and the title of it is A Shark Mom’s Bad. What the hell is a shark mom? We’re going to dive into that today because it’s a topic that I discuss and talk about all the time in my group Busy to Bomb Fit Mom and I want to touch on it with you guys too because you definitely need to learn how to have a shark mindset. And I know how cheesy that sounds and you’re probably like, “What is she talking about? A shark really?” But for real, like we say in my group if you don’t use a shark emoji-like three times a day, there’s something wrong. So, it’s cool. But just hear me out, hear me out because you know, this is the third pillar of being a bomb mom. And if you miss some of the previous episodes, make sure you go back and listen. But today we’re going to discuss the third one being a bomb mom and that is being shark focused. Many people are always thinking like, “What does the shark have to do with being a mom?” And this is a pretty common topic that we bring up all the time. And the shark is literally like our spirit animal. And that’s because we have to have the mindset of constantly moving forward, constantly swimming forward and progressing. If we stop swimming, we will die. We can’t swim backwards, it’s not even an option, we can only move forward. And when you can develop this mindset as a mom, as someone on their fitness journey and trying to get stronger and healthier, you’re going to become unstoppable because you will no longer let quitting be an option. Like it’s something we’re just going to completely take off the table and it’s not even going to be something that you can turn to and look to. You can only move forward. And I want you to think about that and just being the King, the leader of the sea, one of them? Is it the biggest? No, but it’s definitely a leader, it’s definitely a hunter. Apply that to your journey and being even just a mom and you can be amazing. Absolutely amazing. So, this is how a bomb mom and begins to start to see herself and we have to train and develop that mindset that we never stop swimming. We can’t stop. We can’t afford it. And we all know, like if we’re really honest with ourselves, we all know what that looks like because how many times have you started something and then you stopped? Okay, think about it. What shakes have you tried? What programs? Like, I’m not even going to list names, but it’s something that we started to do and then life happened and then we stopped. But think about having a shark mindset. You would have never stopped at all. I wouldn’t have let you. If I was your coach, I wouldn’t have let you. Now, do we slow down? Yes, yes. We definitely slow down. Like that’s going to happen. That’s life. But man, we’re still moving along, just slowly chugging away. And life as a busy working mom, if we let, it will totally swallow us up whole. Now what does this look like in real life? Like let’s take ourselves out of the ocean and an actual shark. But the mom, you know, our lives just keep going, right? We lose sight of our goals through the insanity that’s going on around us. You know, my days used to be a complete mess. Well, okay, I’m not going to lie. They’re still a mess, but it’s a much more controlled mess and it’s a mess that doesn’t take over anymore. It’s just my life. And I love my messy life. I wouldn’t change it for a thing. But before it was messy, it was out of control, it ruled me and I would stop swimming all the time and merely die all the time. I would make progress and then I would stop and then I would get comfortable. And it was always go, give, give, go. I was always on the go, I was always giving, give, give, give for everyone else and nothing was like coming back to me. And I don’t mean like love and friendship and relationships. Yes, that was coming back in my life was very full of that and it still is. But you know, I would wake up and like immediately take care of the kids. We all know what this looks like, right? Like you get up, I mean picture your morning, what it looks like when you have children, whether they’re school, age, teens like, it doesn’t even matter, but we wake up and it’s hustle, right? If we didn’t plan on what we’re going to eat for breakfast the night before, it probably isn’t going to happen. But it’s just go. It’s go, it’s constant. We wake up, we make them breakfast, we’re getting them lunch, then we have to clean up like somewhere in there, there’s snacks going on around the clock, laundry needs to be done. The cleaning, sports work, you know, and like somewhere in there I would like fit in like a really shitty workout and expect that to magically take 15 pounds off of me. Like who can relate to that seriously? You’re like, “Okay, I’m going to make it to the gym.” And you know, after a long day you go and do like your spin class and you’re like, “Why won’t the wake get off of me. I don’t understand. I’m doing spin. I’m like doing it.” Are you really or are you just a shark moving really slow through the water? You’re like, “No, I was on my spin bike and I was going really fast,” and I’m like, “Yeah, but that’s not the same.” And I get it. I’m like totally not making fun of you. I get it because I lived it guys. That was me and there was nothing wrong with it, you know, but it’s just what we do. And when things would slow down or someone would get sick or like the fricking washing machine would break, or like the dog ended up needing to go to the vet, like, all of these things would make me stop. My mindset was not in the right place. And I know many of you are listening to this going, “Yeah, yeah, I do it. That’s me.” You’re probably not saying dude, but you’re like, “Yeah, that’s me. I get it.” Dude is my word. You guys can’t use it. But I know you can relate and it’s okay. Like, think about it. I love bringing hard topics to the surface and admitting that God, you know what, like this path that I’m on might not be the best path. Like that’s okay. You know, and I had this internal struggle going on that I just, I never really discussed with anyone and that’s why I love this podcast and I just want to keep it open and keep it to the top of your mind. Like don’t bury these thoughts of like, “God, what am I doing? I want more out of this.” Because no one else is really talking about it either and no one else really wants to admit it that they want more. Like seriously who’s going to raise their hand at the mommy group or like your stroller strides or at the PTA meeting and be like, “You know what? I really want more out of my life besides just being a mom.” Or like, “This sucks. I don’t make any time for me.” Could you imagine being that mom. I was already the mom, like dropping the F bomb inside conversations. Like, could you imagine if I would have raised my hand and been like, “Yeah, this blows guys are sitting here at this fucking PTA meeting and like we all should be at the gym right now bitches.” Like could you imagine? But what’s sad is like, I know these women were having these struggles too because I was in the side conversations. I would hear it of like, “Yeah I had nothing to wear this morning. You should have seen me trying to get out of the house. My jeans didn’t fit.” Everything’s a mess and like you hear these women’s struggle in these conversations, but no one’s really getting real. All this was going on around me but my friends never really even brought it up in conversation of like, “Hey, does anyone really want to become a fucking rock star because I kind of do?” Like this mom thing is fun, I’m good at it, I’m going to keep going at it. I’m not going to quit, but does anyone else want more? And no one was really saying anything, you know. But deep down inside, if I was really honest with myself, like really honest, I knew I was losing myself. There was a part of the battle that I was losing and that was me. Does anyone else relate to this? Does anyone else have the balls to raise their hand right now? Maybe you’re in your car, you’re at the gym listening to this. Raise your hand just a little bit. Come on. Just do it. Just put your hand up and be like, “Oh my God., Melissa. Yeah, I kind of know what you’re talking about.” Before I even go deeper into this, just think about it for a minute and just be like, “God, I kind of do want more. I kind of want to be a shark. I want to be a Rockstar shark.” And don’t get me wrong. Like before people start sending me DMs and crazy emails about like, “Oh my God, were you like this terrible mom or are you terrible now?” But I’m like, “I was a good mom. I still am a good mom. My kids are amazing. They have great attitudes, they’re great students, athletes like ask any coach or teacher that they’ve had. You know, they were fed, my house was pretty well put together, dinners were made laundry.” Well you know, is that ever really done? But there was something inside of me that wanted more and you know what? The guilt that came along with that is what silenced me truly, because there’s a sense of guilt when you start discovering and really having hard conversations with yourself and figuring out what the hell it is that you want out of life. Like where do you want to go with your body? Do you really want to go next level? Like are you serious when you’re like, “Yeah, this summer, I want to be in a bikini.” Or like in your career. Like, “No, I really want that promotion. Dammit, I deserve it.” When you start having those thoughts and you’re a mom and you love and adore your kids and your family and they’re your entire world, there is definitely a sense of guilt that comes along with it. And it silenced me for a long time and I would have thoughts like, “Damn it Melissa. You should be so grateful for what you have.” Or like how selfish are you? You know, what more could you possibly want? Do you want know women would kill to be a mom and have your life? Like this was my internal struggle. This was what was going on the other side. It’s real. No one talks about this. Yeah, I wanted more. Yes, I want a different career. Yes, I want more for my health and my fitness. I don’t want to feel like shit anymore. I don’t want to be tired all the time. I don’t want to rely on caffeine to get me up and going. I want that body that’s more fit and tone than before I had kids. Like I want that high school body back. That’s kind of impossible but you know what I’m saying? Because that’s like a teenager body. Like, “No, you’re never going to have a teenager body back.” But like what about that college body? And I would just think like, “God damn it. I want to be a shark. I want it. Oh, I want to be the hunter.” But are sharks bad moms? I mean that takes us right back to the title of this podcast. Are sharks bad moms? And I would question, you know, if I just take even one hour away from my family, does that make me a bad mom? Like will that make them suffer? Like if I spend more time at the gym, what does that look like? You know, and this even went into my career, not just fitness, you know. I already worked to make money and help out, but if I go next level and go for that promotion, what would that look like for my family? All these things start surfacing when you realize that you want more. And I’m here to tell you, you guys, there’s nothing wrong with that. Even if you’re a dude listening to this, like totally fine. You could be a shark too. You can listen to this and be a shark too. I’m okay with that. But all of these things, you know, you have to think about and you are going to think about, but let’s break that down just for a second. You know, if you take one hour away from your family and you go to the gym and you kick ass, let’s just say an hour and a half, okay, let’s say 15-minute drive time there. Get ready to warm up, 15-minute drive time home. We’re looking at an hour and a half. Like let’s just be real. Maybe even two hours. Is your family really going to suffer if you’re gone and you’re off working on your craft, your job, your fitness, your health, working on being a shark and unstoppable? Is that really going to affect your family? No. No it’s not. Let’s just be honest, you guys, it’s not. So why don’t we do it? Why don’t we take action? We got a ton of excuses, right? And all those excuses are lies. They are 110% lies. They’re stories that we gather in our head and like write this whole long of like novel of why I can’t go to the gym, why I can’t work out, why I can’t eat better. Lies. They’re all lies and I just want you to keep thinking about this. You don’t have to make any actions today, take any actions today, you don’t have to like break it down, but I do invite you to like maybe start journaling. Find another mom that you trust and be like, “Can we just have an open conversation?” Totally fine. You guys find me on Instagram. If you don’t have anyone, find me on Instagram at Melissa Vogel Fitness, send me a DM. I would love to hear it. I want to hear you. You can type in journal away to me. Go for it. But if you start working on you, it is not going to affect your family in a negative way. Now it will affect your family in a positive way. You’re going to get an opportunity to recharge that battery. Take a moment to distress, decompress, crank your music, listen to this podcast, focus just on you, then go back home. You’re going to make an amazing dinner, you’re going to be an amazing wife, you’re going to be an awesome spouse or girlfriend. You’re going to be an amazing shark mom. You took time for you to develop your body, your brain, your heart, and your soul. That is powerful. Think of how many more, how much more patience you’re going to have when you get back. How much better and open you’re going to be ready to help with homework, have conversations. You know, I saw this internal battle going on and no one was talking about it and you know, it truly did manifest into an external battle. And I saw the signs and symptoms when I was stressed. I was snapping all the time and externally, the weight, my stomach, it wasn’t what I wanted to be. It was like hanging over my pants and I’m like, “Who am I?” You know, I had to make the decision to stop, identify, execute, and become that shark. And we all sometimes have to have like that breaking moment. You know that that moment when we’re just like, “I’m not going to quit this time. I’m going to keep moving forward no matter what.” And I decided that, you know, if I was going to be the best mom and the best version of me, I had to find a way to keep going. Never stop swimming, never swimming backwards. A shark can’t even make a sharp turn. We can like circle, we can do a huge turnaround and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. You know? And we have to find a way to push. Like I said before in my previous episodes, you know, we have to pivot through the madness and normally when the kids would get sick or like my cat, God bless it, it had to have emergency surgery one time because it like chewed the rubber mats in my gym and swallowed it and I’m like, “Oh my God, we’ve got to say fluffy.” But like all these things happen, especially when the kids get sick, you know in emergencies, like you missed the gym, you stopped going to the gym because you’re like, “Well who’s going to take care of everyone if I’m at the gym?” You know Susie Q’s on the couch throwing it up. Fine, be there for her, but you know what? Eventually she’s going to nap. Maybe there’ll be relief, maybe your husband will come home or your or your significant other is going to come home and give you relief. That’s your time to sneak away. But most of us don’t. We stopped swimming. We’re like, well sit on the couch. You know what? Well this is a great time for me to just fold laundry and be here with her. Like that’s fine, but you know it’s going to help even more and pour little Susie barfing on the couch? Is if you sneak away and go to the gym, go work out, go outside and run and walk. Why? It’s going to boost your immune system, it’s going to help you not get sick, it’s going to recharge your battery because as we all know, if you’ve ever taken care of a sick kid, holy shit, it’s draining, right? They whine, they cry. Every time they throw up, like you have to be there holding their hand and holding the hair back. Like nothing wrong with that. It’s what we do as moms, but it can be hard and you guys, we all know that can go on for days at a time and before you know it because someone else got sick, it’s affecting us even though we don’t even catch it. We don’t catch the flu, but it’s still affecting us. I want you to start developing this shark mindset. These moments are when your sharpness needs to come out and you just identify like, “Okay, I’m not stopping to swim, I got 30,000 things to do this week, I’m not going to stop the swimming. I’m going to keep moving. Hey, I just got to slow down a little bit. I’m just going to slow down a little bit, but I’m not going to stop.” And then if you do get sick and it does end up hitting you, take the time, recover, but get back up. You know how many women I talk to a week that end up getting sick or like life happens and then they don’t make it back to the gym for three months all because they caught the flu back in December? We don’t stop swimming. Are you guys getting this? Do get it. And it’s really hard to identify when you’re flourishing and when you’re sinking and when you’re swimming and when you’re not. But if you’re honest, you know. We run and we do everything. It’s what we saw our own moms do. You know, we saw our moms stay at home, take care of the kids. That was their entire life. There was like no going to the gym for my mom or my grandma. You know? And then, and then when we’re like, well, I got to be just like my mom. And then when that doesn’t happen, we have guilt and it just all snowballs. So, I’m here to tell you guys that you can be an amazing shark mom. And it’s way too easy for us to drown. It really is. Work on your mindset. And the best way to attack this is to have a plan of action. Always take control before something else takes control of you. Know where you’re swimming, know where you’re going. And also, with that mindset, I want you to start being seen as that shark mob, that hot mom. And that has to mean that you have to accept being different. And I’m here right now to just start putting those thoughts in your head. You don’t have to do anything major crazy today, but are you okay with that? Are you truly okay with being that hot mom? Are you okay with being a little bit on the outside? Are you okay with loving yourself and just a little bit different way? You are. You really are. You totally are. In my community, we discuss this a lot. In my program, Busy to Bomb Fit Mom, and if you guys want more information of it, it’s super easy. Go to busytobombfitmom.com. You like that ring. But in my community, you know, we discuss this internal shift all the time. All the time. And if you want to go for it, it’s not easy and you’re going to have predators. There will always be bigger sharks than you., your environment’s going to be factors, it’s going to try and slow you down. But how determined are you? How determined are you to keep going? You guys this takes practice., it takes support and encouragement. That’s why I created this group, you know? And I know we have our mommy groups and stroller strides. Like I said before, you know, and we go to the gym and we talk with women we do classes with but like it really takes true support and being able to vent and have another shark mom tell you that you’re amazing and to keep going. And being a part of this group, it really is the first step of my program when someone’s like, “Melissa, I want to work with you.” I’m like, “Awesome.” You are going to be in this community and you are going to be active because you are going to need this help, and when you have a tribe behind you, we won’t let you stop at all. I want you to also think about your self-talk. Okay? As you’re going on today and thinking about like, “Do I really want to become a shark mom?” I want you to think about your self-talk because this is huge. I want you to take a minute and think what was the last nice thing that you said to yourself? Also think, what was the last mean thing that you said to yourself? That’s hard and you probably can think of a mean thing that you said over a nice thing and that’s because it’s just where we’re at a lot of the times. When we look at ourselves in the mirror and we’re standing there getting ready or we’re like still in our bra and underwear, you’re looking at yourself, are you saying, “Damn, I’m hot. Damn, I’m unstoppable.” Or are you going and turning to the side and sucking in and being like, “God, I am so fat.” Look at this. Look at this hanging over and pinching and grabbing ourselves. That’s your self-talk. That’s your mindset. And one of the first things that you have to start getting in check is what you say to yourself. Even negative statements like, “I’m always late,” or, “I forget everything. I can’t remember anyone’s names, I don’t have time for that, I’m too busy to work out. I don’t have time to cook.” You guys, those are really powerful statements and what you continue to say is what you’re going to continue to get. If you keep saying, “I don’t have time, I don’t have time.” Guess what you’re going to get. No time. “I don’t have time to work out.” Your body’s going to go, “Okay.” You have to learn to start identifying what’s coming out of your mouth if you want to be a shark. You truly do. Again, not huge major action steps, but just become aware of it. You know, I had the women in my program look in the mirror the other day and it was a job and a task I’d put out to them and I wanted them to say three things about themselves and then I wanted them to share and post in the community. And women struggled with this. It was really hard for them to say what they loved about themselves, but they did it. I was super proud of them. But they did it and they struggled and they shared those struggles. But man, is that a release? And it is a beautiful thing to have a woman go, “You know what? I really do love my butt.” Like there’s a lot there to love and it looks fucking good. That’s powerful you guys. You have to remember. I want you to think of this. Your brain is the general and your body is the troops. What your brain tells the troops to do, they’re going to follow. So, if you’re feeding yourself self-love, like, “I am worth it. I make time, I have time, I find time, I love myself, I am strong, I am powerful,” and the general keeps spitting that out over and over again, the troops are going to follow. It’s a really cool transition to watch. And the last thing I want to talk about really quick is just to take yourself seriously. Learn to be okay with making yourself a priority and take that serious. And this takes practice. It definitely does because there’s going to be times where you want to stop swimming, that you want to give up. It will eventually start to click though. It will click that your health and wellness matter. And when we don’t feel like it, like I’ve said before, that’s when we put in the, “I don’t feel like it wraps,” because there are times where you don’t want to work out. You don’t want to do it. But sharks, we don’t stop swimming and you put in the wraps over and over again. And the more I don’t feel like it wraps you put in and the more I don’t feel like at workouts you put in helps, it never gets totally easy guys. There’s always going to be times that you struggle and you’re like, “I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like going to the gym all the time. All the time. If I waited till I felt right and ready to go to the gym, oh my God, I’d probably be 30 pounds overweight and I would go like maybe twice a month. But I put in the wraps when I don’t feel like it because I take myself seriously. I take my health and my fitness journey serious and I am a shark and I am not a bad mom because I am a shark. And I am not a bad mom because I love myself. I tell myself I love myself and I’m not a bad mom because I take time to work on me. Who is with me on this journey? Raise your hand a little bit. It’s okay. It’s okay if people are around. Just raise it a little bit. I’m proud of you if you raised your hand. Absolutely. So, I’m going to leave you guys today with this. I want you to focus on your mindset today. Identify what you’re saying to yourself. I want you to identify what’s the next level that you want to go to. Identify if you need support. Do you have support? Do you want support? Focus on what next level you want to go with your career, your business, and most importantly, your health and your journey. What do you want out of this life? What do you want for your overall health and wellness? Because you’re worth it. And sharks are not bad moms. We never stop swimming. We never swim backwards. We’ll die. We’ll lose ourselves. And you are worth it. You are worth it to keep going. You are worth it to push through the madness. We might have to slow down, but we never stop swimming. Have an amazing day. You guys, evening, week, wherever you’re at. And I want you to make sure that you join the email course because you’re going to get a ton of action information and just more bomb mom awesomeness. Have an amazing day you guys and I will see you next time. If you’re ready to become a bomb mom, join my free course over at www.melissavogelfitness.com/course. This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. This is given with the understanding that neither the host, Practice of the Practice, or the guests are providing legal, mental health, nutritional, or other professional information. If you need a professional, you should find one.