[MELISSA VOGEL]: The Bomb Mom Podcast is part of the Practice of the Practice podcast network, a family of podcasts that are making the world better. You’ll also probably like the Imperfect Thriving podcast, Beta Male Revolution and Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. Check them out at www.practiceofthepractice.com/network. Hey, what’s up everyone? If you’re looking to be inspired, motivated, educated, and entertained, you have come to the right place. Welcome to the Bomb Mom Podcast, the podcast where we explore your fitness, life, mindsets and actions that help you become unstoppable. You’re worth it and it’s time to finally make changes in your life that will last you the rest of your life. Hello everyone and welcome back to the Bomb Mom podcast. I am Melissa Vogel, your personal trainer, your nutritional coach, your mental guru to help you get fit, sexy, strong, toned, mentally, and physically. And today we’re going to be talking a lot about the mental aspect of it. And today’s episode is Act As If, and this is going to be our fourth pillar for the Bomb Mom podcast, and this is the fourth pillar for being a bomb mom. You have to act as if, and yes, I really wanted to name the episode. You want me to fake it? Because I feel like that’s a little bit more appropriate, but act as if truly is our fourth pillar. So we’re going to stick with that. But yes, I want you to fake it 110%. So let’s dive into this because we don’t want to waste any time. And I think this is a topic that’s huge, like it’s more important than walking lunges like it’s more important than burpees. I think it’s extremely important to have a roadmap. Okay, on your fitness journey, where are you going? You know, what is your end destination? What does this look like? Because this roadmap is going to be with you for the rest of your journey, for the rest of your life. And if you want to know how to act, you have to know where you’re going. You have to put something behind that. So, that’s what this show is going to be all about. I want you to become and learn all about the behaviors, habits, routines that you’re going to develop and demonstrate as the person that you’re going to become. You have to know your end destination of what does your person B look like. And that’s what we call it in my group, Busy to Bomb Fit Mom. We call it your person B. And I always use the example of like a GPS system and I want you to imagine wanting to go somewhere, right? You have this end destination, but you never put that into the GPS system. You never write down or enter in, “Hey, I want to go to Disneyland. This is the address.” So what does that GPS do? It just follows you around, just follows you around. You’ll never get anywhere. You’ll have this really cool blue squiggly line, it’s just going to follow you everywhere you go, but you’re never going to get to Disneyland because you didn’t put in an end destination. You guys, this is the same exact thing when it comes to our health and fitness. You have to get crystal clear and envision it over and over again of where you want to go. And when you do that, that’s going to lead you to know how to act, how to behave, and you can practice this. You want to act as if. You want to act as if that person B before you even become her. And that’s because the more you practice this, the more you act as if, you are going to step right into those shoes when the time is right. Everyone wants to skip this process. Everyone tells me like, “Oh my God, I’m going to, I got to lose 10 pounds. I got to lose 20 pounds.” Like what? It doesn’t even matter what that number is. “I just got to get healthier.” Some women have to put muscle on, you know, some people are thin and they are just like, “I know I’m skinny fat and I don’t want to be anymore” And I’m like, “Great, what are you going to do?” And they’re like, “Oh, I got this gym membership and I found this diet plan to follow and, or I’m reading this book.” And I’m like, “That’s great. So what’s your roadmap look like? You know, what does your person B look like?” And they just look at me, stumped like, “What do you mean?” And I’m like, “Well you can’t get anywhere if you don’t know exactly where you want to end up.” So, I want you to think about that because that is one of the first steps with my program Busy to Bomb Fit Mom. So I want you guys to start thinking about that now too. This takes preparation and it takes time and dedication. And I know everyone wants fast, everyone just wants to do it. But you guys, I’m going to tell you right now, I’m going to be honest because you know me, I don’t sugar coat much. That’s cheating. Yeah, I said it. It’s cheating. I see people all the time and they like, they lose a ton of weight. Okay, let’s use the person who’s lost a ton of weight. They lose a ton of weight, they do it really fast. They do these really fast transformations and the biggest part that they’re missing is that they don’t learn how to become fit mentally as well as physically and then their results don’t last and then they can’t figure out why and then they gain it all back and a lot of times they gain it back and then sump. I always give the other example too. The GPS and the doctor are my two favorite examples. And I always give the example of like a doctor. Okay, he’s got to put in the time. It doesn’t even matter what a specialty is, what type, like whatever. And I don’t know why I’m saying he. She. Let’s just here she, I don’t know why I’m saying he. She is a doctor and she has to put in a ton of time. You have to go to school, your internship like, “Oh my God, so much work. So much work, so many classes, so many hours.” Like just working their butt off and practice. They have to have lab skills, they have to work under the wing of another professional and take note and mess up unfortunately. But hey, that’s just the way it is. Now would you want that doctor operating on you if they didn’t put in the time and the energy and the effort and knew what their end goal was? They needed to know what specialty they were going to be and they had this clear roadmap, you know, like what to do, how to do it. But this doctor, they read the cliff notes. Kind of cheated. I don’t know about you, but I would not want that doctor operating on me at all. You can’t trust him. He doesn’t have the experience. Honestly, he didn’t, she didn’t fair enough. So think about that in terms of your fitness, right? If you don’t put in the time and the mental work and the preparation and the school and the internship and the hours, you guys, you’re never, never going to get there. It’s never going to stick. So when you don’t take out this time to map out exactly who you want to become and then learn how to become her, it’s not going to last. And it’s heartbreaking because I see this all the time. I see people like doing these camps and they’re like, “Oh my God, you know, 4% body fat, six weeks. I’m going to lose 30. Oh my God, I lost 20 pounds in two weeks.” Like that’s great, but you’re not learning anything in the process. When someone comes to me and they’re at let’s, I’m just using a number, 180 pounds and their end goal is probably like maybe 130 pounds, I tell them all the time, “We’re not going to worry about 130 not at all. We’re not going to worry about like that 50 pounds you have to lose. You know what you’re going to worry about first? Five pounds. We are going to learn how to become 180 to 175.” And that’s a big difference because there’s, that person might have never been under 180 in her adult life. She doesn’t even know what it’s like to be 179. She doesn’t even know what it’s like to have that number seven appear in her weight. That’s true for a lot of people. And it doesn’t matter if you’re 140 and you need to be 130. You need to learn to know what it looks like to see the one, the three and then the following number. So I always say, take it one step at a time. We’re not going to worry about the 130. We’re going to worry about the 175. That’s what we’re going to figure out. And your person B is the 130. That’s fine. Let’s get clear on the roadmap. And this learning process is going to give you the opportunity to change and like fake it until you make it. One thing about being a bomb mom, you know, in this giggle, for anyone listening to this that has hopes, dreams, aspirations, or whatever, you want to act as if and be that person B even though you’re not there yet. So, what does this mean? Like, “Okay, Melissa, like tell me. Like exactly what does this mean?” So you want to start implementing behaviors of who you want to become immediately. ACT AS IF. If there is one thing that you take away from this podcast today, it’s those three words, ACT AS IF. So, let’s obviously use health and fitness, as like our example, because it is kind of what we’re talking about and what we do. But once you’ve decided, you know, to begin this journey and take the next steps, and that could be a little, that could just be tuning into this podcast right now. You know what, I’m going to listen to this instead of something about cooking. Once you take those next steps to achieving this goal and you’re ready to make that mental shift too one of the ways that’s going to help this stick is to start to act and behave as the person you’re going to become. So, a bomb mom or just a ripped and fit mom, you know, someone who’s not going to stop at the McDonald’s or completely binge out, right? So I want you to think about that when you are in that situation and it’s late, it’s 7:30, you just got the last kid from practice, you’re tired, everyone’s hungry, and there’s McDonald’s. How easy would it be to just drive through that McDonald’s and just be like, “Fuck it, I’m getting a big Mac and fries and a diet Coke. Don’t worry, it’s going to be diet. I’m going to get the diet Coke, we’ll get the regular Coke.” But how easy would it be to just do that? Like I’ve been tempted to do that, I can’t even tell you how many times, but I want you to stop and think. Sometimes just stopping and thinking is huge and powerful and I want you to act as if you already are your person B. What would she do? What would she do in that situation? Would she be like, “Fuck it, I’m getting this. This is happening.” Or would your person B, that you’ve spent the last two years crafting and designing and creating and carving out your abs and your ass and like you’ve worked hard for your body. Would she do that or would she stop and say, “That all sounds amazing, but I’ve worked way too hard to be where I’m at right now. I’ll wait till I get home. I’ve waited this long, I can wait till I can get home to eat.” Act as if are you that person B yet? No, but you can certainly act like her. Can you run like her or do burpees like her yet? No. Hell no. You totally can’t. You’re not there yet. And that’s okay. But you definitely can act as if. So I want you to think about that. And because a bomb mom, in that situation, she’s going to wait. She would’ve planned ahead of time. You know there will be better options. You fake it. You fake the shit out of it until you make it. And when you’re in a tight situation and when you’re left at crossroads and you don’t know what to do and temptation is high, this is going to happen a lot you guys. This is going to happen a lot. And temptation doesn’t necessarily mean like food sitting in front of your face. That’s not what it always looks like. Temptation could be just to choose the couch over going to the gym. Temptation can come in many shapes and forms when we’re talking about our health and fitness. But when this happens and when you’re in this situation, I want you to stop and I want you to think about that person B and then ask yourself what would she do? How would she act in this very situation right now? Now if you can’t even picture yourself as your person B and you don’t even know what she looks like, you don’t even know how she would act or behave, think about someone else then. You could think about me. You could say, “What would Melissa do?” Put a face to it. You’re like, “I don’t know what I would do because I don’t even know who I am yet.” Think of someone else. I love using like J-Lo as an example because, I don’t know if you guys follow her now. She’s always got just awesome pictures in her bathing suit and you know, just looking fricking like a bomb mom and she’s not like grossly overworked, weird, skinny. I don’t know. She’s fricking hot. She has like the most amazing female body. So she’s always like my go-to. Ask yourself, “What would J-Lo do right now?” Do you think J-Lo sits around and binges on jelly beans? I don’t know where jelly beans came from guys. I don’t know. I do jelly beans, but would she sit around and binge on them? Hell no. So it’s okay if you’re really stuck and you’re like, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I would do. Screw it. I’m not her. I’m just going to do this.” No. Think about someone else and ask yourself, “Well, okay, if Melissa was right next to me right now, what would she be telling me to do? What would Melissa do if she was in this situation?” And that will help you break out of that a little bit more. Acting as if, I’m just going to keep saying those three words over and over again. It’s extremely important. Like I can’t stress enough how, and I know it sounds dumb. I realize it probably sounds dumb and I don’t really care. Um, but I can’t stress enough how important it is because this is going to start that mental shift for you guys. This is going to start that mental mindset. This is every time you stop and just say, “Okay, well what would my person B do? Okay, what would J-Lo do? Okay, what would Melissa do?” Just stopping and thinking that is A, it’s going to stop your excuses. It is because you’re going to go, “Oh, I’m tired. I don’t have the right shoes, I don’t have the right bra, all my clothes are dirty. I don’t have any leggings, people are going to be looking at me. Oh man, I don’t want to drive to the gym. It’s like 10 minutes away. Oh my God.” Like all these things you guys, they just go to go on and on and on and on and on and on it. It truly can, but if you stop and you ask yourself, “What would my person B do?” You are stopping the excuses. You are shifting your mindset and this is your mental workout. This is 110% your mental workout and every time you do this, even if you fail, okay? Even if you fail, but every time you do this and stop and think, “What would they do? Okay, I’m not this person yet, but I need to fake it.” You are working that mindset muscle of toughness. It’s really, really important to do that. When you don’t want to get up for that workout, instead of focusing on it and all the reasons why you don’t want to, shift that mindset and just think, “What would Melissa do? What would my person B do?” And you don’t have to like, I know some people are like, “Okay, I got to stop this mindset and I got to put myself up,” and they’re like, you know, slapping themselves around and like, “Okay, let’s do this. Let’s do this.” No, it doesn’t have to be like ridiculous like that. It’s just simply stopping your thoughts and challenging yourself and saying, “What would she do?” What would she do? Now this isn’t going to work right away. Like I already said, this might not work fast for you. You might even just like give yourself excuses. You might even get a little mad that you’re not that person B yet and get frustrated. Guys, that’s okay. Sometimes you might even say like, “Yeah, okay, well my person B would totally get up, but I’m not her yet.” And fuck it. Like you might say that a few times, but doing this enough and bringing all your excuses to the forefront and stopping the mindset of negative behavior, all the excuses that are coming up, this is going to bring awareness to how often you do this too. It’s going to bring awareness of how many times you have to stop yourself and say, “Okay, what would my person B do?” That’s just continuously working that mindset muscle and that’s a really, really important muscle to work. So I’m always telling my group just to say things out loud and just to take a minute to ask yourself the hard questions, bringing things up and to the surface. That’s progress. That’s progress. Just admitting something. In my private group, women have the ability to write things on our private Facebook page and stuff and bring things up and you know, sometimes they’re not always positive. Sometimes it’s not the best post. And I always applaud them and tell them like, “This is okay. This is a safe space for you to do this. But look at what you just identified. You just identified that you missed four workouts this week and now it’s going to stop.” You took a minute to admit some really, really hard things, asked yourself, what would my person B do, and then you get up and take action. You fake it. If you’re not physically fit and ripped yet and strong and tone or down however many pounds you want to be, that’s fine. You still fake it. You act as if. You get up and put those shoes on and you go do a kick ass workout and act as if you are that person you want to become. You fake it. You fake it until you make it. You eat like your person B wants you to eat, you think like your person B wants to think, and then you know what? As the pounds start coming off, you’re going to start dressing like her. Absolutely. That’s just getting you one step closer to slip in those shoes on and just sliding right into that person B. I love it. This is like one of my favorite topics and subjects to talk about because anyone can do it. It doesn’t matter if you have bad knees or a bad elbow or if you broke your leg. We’re talking about the mind and the mind is so powerful; so, so powerful. And this is a step that I’m not going to let you skip. This is that step that everyone else wants to just jump over. “Just get the weight off of me, then I’ll be able to do it.” And I’m like, “No, you’re cheating.” So take a minute. Now here I have some simple action steps for you guys. I want you to map this out tonight or today, like whenever you’re listening to us, just take a minute, okay? I want you to create your person B. These are simple action steps. I love always giving you just a little bit of homework. Type it in your notes on your phone if you have to, just something. But I want you to start mapping out and creating your person B, just so that you know, like how does she act, behave, look like? Here’s the key points I want you to hit when you’re mapping this out. I want you to do it in full detail and nothing is ridiculous or too far out there. If you want to wear a fricking leopard print bikini thong at the beach, like you write that down. No one’s going to judge you, no one’s going to see it. Put it somewhere private and just let it flow. Okay, so what does she look like? What does her bathing suit look like? What does your body look like? Full detail. I want you writing this out. Describe your legs, describe your ass, describe your face, your hair. What is it like? Did you cut it? Is it a different color when you’re your person B? Have you always wanted short hair but like you felt like you were too heavy to have short hair or whatever? Think about that. Write it down in detail. What does she do for hobbies? What’s your daily routine look like? Do you think that she gets up every single morning? Think about it. What does your person B do? Does she get up every morning and go to the gym and then come back and take care of kids? Does she take the kids to school and then hit the gym and work out? Like what does your schedule look like? Get in detail you guys. What does she eat? What does she eat every day? What do you think your person B eats every day? Does she enjoy treats? Oh, yeah she actually enjoys treats. It’s not broccoli and chicken every day. No way. All these things, her shoes, her clothes. What gym are you working out at now? Are you still working out at home? Write it out. How many times are you going? Maybe even create that calendar, what you think it looks like. You know if you figure out, “Oh yeah, she’s going to the gym and taking the kids and blah, blah, blah.” Like maybe your goal is to hit it by the summer. So your summer schedule would look a little different. Kids’ school wouldn’t be on that calendar. Write it of your calendar guys. What’s wrong with that? These are simple action steps that you can take and you have no excuses as to why you can’t take them. It doesn’t matter how long this is either. I prefer it to be pretty long and get into detail, but it doesn’t have to be. Also the next thing I want you to think about and write out, put some thought into, how long will it take you to get to this person B realistically? And I don’t want anyone writing 20 pounds in six weeks. Like that’s just dumb. That’s such bullshit. It’s not going to last. So realistically, what does your time look like? And do you remember the small steps we talked about earlier? So if you’re 180 pounds, I want you to learn how to be 175 pounds. Well, when do you want to hit that first five pounds? I want you to write out a timeline, and I don’t care if you literally write out a timeline in a straight line across your piece of paper and write down a date, five pounds. Write down another date next to it. Okay, “in two weeks I want to be down another one pound.” Make that timetable, figure it out how long it’s going to take and be realistic. Okay? If you have 50 pounds to lose, and that’s going to take you a year to do it, so what? Map it out, divide up the weight and get it going. This is your roadmap. The last thing I want to just bring to the surface, and this is something that we’re going to talk about in future podcasts for sure because this is a really big part of it, is your relationships. If you’re married, if you’re dating someone, if you’re engaged, maybe this is your relationship with just your family members, your sister or your mom, your dad, your brothers, like maybe even your kids. But I want you to start thinking about those relationships and how they will change when you become this person B. And again, this is going to take some thought. We’re going to dive into this a lot later with some other professionals and stuff so I cannot wait so make sure you stay tuned. But think about it just for now, how could this possibly change? Identify some roadblocks. What are some crucial conversations you might have to have with them? And for now, just write about it. Know that this is something that’s definitely worth paying attention to and preparing for. And the more prepared you are, the smoother things will go. Maybe, just maybe start having a few conversations about it. “Hey honey, you know, I’m going to start going to the gym like just two times a week.” How do you feel about that? You could even be really brave and bold and be like, “Hey, I’m going to lose 20 pounds. I’m going to lose 30 pounds. Just so you know, and next summer I’ll be in a bikini. What do you think about that? How do you feel?” Maybe you don’t care how they think and feel and you’re just going to do it anyways. Hey to each their own, I don’t know, but just start thinking about it. Share your hopes, your goals, your dreams. See what happens. See what are their responses. Don’t get into it, don’t start a fight, just put it out there. Test the water. Let’s see. Sometimes husbands aren’t on board and it’s money, maybe it has to do with their own low self-esteem. I’ve heard many men that have just been like, “Oh my God, you’re going to go get hot and then you’re going to leave me. I don’t want you working out at the gym and other men looking at you and stuff.” Some of you’re shaking your head and be like, “Yep, I already know what you’re talking about.” So just start thinking about these things because it’s going to make your transition even smoother and make sure you stay tuned in because this is something that we’re going to talk about later and help you have those crucial conversations, those hard talks. Because of the last thing you want is your relationship holding you back from hitting your goals, especially if that goal is going to make you a better you, a better mom, a better wife. No one wants to be stopped and held back from becoming amazing. So, take action guys, get that journal out, start writing. Just write and write and write about everything I listed and remember just taking the time and putting those thoughts and those hard topics into conversations, into your thought, bringing it from being buried way down, deep up to the top of your mind and just thinking about, “Okay, what would I do? What does my person B look like? How would she act right now?” And then put it into action if you can. “My person B would not sit on this couch right now. She would get up and go to the gym. Damn it. That’s what I’m doing.” Remember, starting to hit your fitness goals doesn’t always have to be physical, and honestly, I hope it’s not. I don’t want it to be all physical. Do the mental work, make the effort, start thinking about these things, start talking about these things. Start journaling about these things because it’s going to help you slip into that person, be in their shoes even faster, even smoother, and it’s going to feel comfortable to you because you’ve done the work mentally as well as physically. Have an amazing day guys. Stay tuned and if you need more information about Bomb Mom, go to www.busytobombfitmom.com. See you guys next time. If you’re ready to become a bomb mom, join my free course over at www.melissavogelfitness.com/course. This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. This is given with the understanding that neither the host, Practice of the Practice, or the guests are providing legal, mental health, nutritional, or other professional information. If you need a professional, you should find one.